What does "Assertive" mean to you?

Recently, I had a discussion with a new client - let's call him Joe - who had invited me in to talk about a challenge that he's facing.  Joe is an accomplished industry and process expert and he's met with many a salesperson in his past.  He's "seen and heard it all" and has both observed and experienced some behaviors that he doesn't like very much; he's determined to "not be that guy".

And now Joe finds himself in the business of helping other businesses succeed and he recognizes that sales is now part of his job.  He acknowledged that, in some cases, he's having a little trouble getting the initial conversation started.  If they come to him, no problem!  But if he has to go to them, well, he's just not sure how to go about it.  He knows that it's necessary for him to contact people he's never worked with before (else his business won't survive), but he needs to find a way to do it that feels right to him (else he won't do it).

In other words, Joe's having trouble with Prospecting, specifically with Making Cold Calls.  Without doubt, I'll be referring him to Art Sobczak's excellent book, Smart Calling.  The title of Chapter 1 says it all:  "Cold calling is dumb, but prospecting is necessary; Smart Calling is the answer".

As a way of exploring the issue with Joe, I shared The Sales Engine.  The idea of 3 different types of calls, each done with a specific person for a specific purpose resonated with Joe -- it fit with his personal experiences.  Using this model, Joe was able to see that he'd been inappropriately mixing the three types of calls in certain situations.  He also saw that he'd been initiating some calls without establishing the entry criteria (the stuff at the ends of the arrows).  I encouraged Joe to engage in conscious pre-call planning (turning the automatic pilot OFF), and to use The Sales Engine to (1) help him clarify the goals of his calls and to (2) ensure that he is adequately prepared for each type of call.

The only challenge that Joe had with the model is that our overview of a Sales Call seemed, well, a little pushy.  My concern is that he might be pushing into "unpaid consultant" territory.  Where's the balance?

I asked Joe to describe to me what the word "Assertive" meant to him.  We explored it, and then I shared my observation:  Assertive means "getting your needs met".  In contrast, Cooperative means "helping other people get their needs met".  Is it possible to be assertive and cooperative at the same time?  The answer is YES.

These issues are explored in great detail by three resources that are available to YOU right now.  The first is Stephen R. Covey's works (both The 7 Habits of Highly Successful People - habits 4 through 6 are about influence - and The 8th Habit - specifically the section on margin vs. mission).  The second is the Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument, aka The TKI (provides an outstanding visual aid and some labels which can help you better understand the 5 conflict styles defined by the model).  The third is Robert Bolton's outstanding book, People Skills (see the section on the submissive-assertive-aggressive continuum).

So back to the Sales Call.

• It's not about controlling the other person or their process, it's about driving right decisions.
• It's about qualifying before you present -- or if you prefer, diagnosing before you prescribe.
• It's about having options and exercising the will to explore them.
• It's about thinking win-win, BE-ing collaborative, and exercising the will to step away from an "opportunity" (and possibly suggesting someone else) if doing business is not in the other person's best interests.
• It's about trust.
• It's about integrity.
• Period.

Joe is now looking very closely at one of his developing opportunities and I have a feeling he'll be eating some elephant soon.  Looking forward to hearing your thoughts, comments, and stories.  Until next time, be well.