What's your intent?

Yesterday I noticed a post on one of the Linked In Groups I follow.  The exact content of the post doesn't really matter here, but I can tell you that the person who made it was trying to start a dialogue.  He asked, "If [stimulus] happens, is it OK to [response]?"

This is a Situational Dilemma.  Situational Dilemma's are sometimes used in the context of an employment interview, but they also describe what many salespeople have in their minds when they attend (or intend to attend) sales training events.  Unlike an interview (where we're interested in evaluating the other person's thought process and style), sales people are facing their own personal Situational Dilemma's day in and day out with Suspects, Prospects, and Customers.  They are hoping for treatment (i.e., they want advice).  Unfortunately, most sales training is about prevention, and Treatment Ain't Prevention.

So back to the post.  "Given this stimulus, is this response appropriate?"  My immediate reaction to this person's post was to say, "I don't know, what was your intent?"

There are at least a couple of reasons for this question.   First, intent is much more important than technique because your intent is the reason you're doing a thing.  Your intent will drive HOW you do "it", and HOW you do "it" will affect the other person's experience in the moment.  They may not remember exactly what you said or did, but they will always remember how they felt.

Second, you must recognize that "Communication is the result you achieve, regardless of your intent".  Said differently, technique still matters.   It's possible to have pure intent and yet have a horrible outcome because your technique (think delivery, timing, and style) is poor.  If you're not consciously aware of your intent in a situation (in other words, if your automatic pilot is ON), then you're more likely to Act (say and do) and/or Behave in ways that aren't consistent with your goals.

So, let's pretend that YOU are faced with a Situational Dilemma. How do you Apply these little kernels of wisdom?  The key is to make sure that your automatic pilot is turned OFF.  Outcome Based Thinking is one of the best tools for this purpose.  This simple planning process helps you to be proactive, focusing on action that is appropriate for the situation.  Let the situation drive your process, not the other way around.

If you'd like to learn more about these concepts, read Stephen R. Covey's work, "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People"; specifically, the section on the space between stimulus and response.  Also, there is no doubt that there are times when it helps to have someone else listening in as you work through the Outcome Based Thinking process -- a coach can help.  Got one?  Get one.  Period.

Some final thoughts.  It's been said that insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, hoping for different results.  Before you can get new results, you must realize that you are already getting results -- they just aren't the results that you want.   The only way you'll get new results is by doing new things.  The good news is that the first 100 times are the hardest!

The automatic pilot is not suited for doing new things, it's purpose is to do old things in an 'automatic', non-thinking way.  While there are times that the automatic pilot can serve us, it's absolutely THE WRONG TOOL FOR THE JOB if your goal is to become a master at your craft.  Show me a master, and I'll show you a person who knows exactly what he or she is doing and why they are doing it.  Nothing that the master does is by accident.  Masters are very good at keeping the automatic pilot OFF.

A process can help.  Practice the discipline of Plan-Do-Learn.  Use Outcome Based Thinking.  Need some help?  Feel free to give me a shout on Linked In.  Be well.